The Narcissism We Need

Why Healthy Ego Is a Requirement for Leadership

Let’s talk about something most people misunderstand—and most leaders quietly know:
You don’t lead without ego. You just don’t.

There’s a brand of leadership criticism that assumes narcissism is always a flaw—something to root out, diagnose, or label. But that view misses something fundamental. A dose of narcissism is not only expected in leadership—it’s required.

You can’t step into power, make unpopular decisions, or drive a vision forward without believing deeply in your own mind, your worth, your instincts. That’s not dysfunction. That’s what makes leadership possible.

Narcissism Isn’t a Dirty Word

The term itself has become almost meaningless in casual conversation. We throw it around as a catch-all for arrogance, selfishness, or toxic behavior. But there’s a big difference between disordered narcissism and the psychological structure of self-belief.

As Manfred Kets de Vries outlines in his work on leadership psychology, narcissism exists on a spectrum—and all leaders have it. The question isn’t if it’s present. It’s how it’s managed.

At the healthy end of the spectrum, narcissism shows up as conviction, clarity, and boldness. It gives you the internal permission to trust your ideas, take risks, and believe that you’re the person to lead the way.

And at the other end? We see the rigidity, defensiveness, and grandiosity that create damage in organizations—the kind of leadership that can’t hear feedback, absorbs all the credit, and crushes dissent.

The Line Between Power and Collapse

In my work, I’ve seen both versions. I’ve also seen how easy it is to swing between them, especially under pressure.

The leaders who thrive in high-stakes environments aren’t the ones with less ego. They’re the ones who’ve learned how to balance their ego with reality testing. They can still say “I know what’s best”—but they’re also willing to pause and ask, “What am I missing?”

That’s the real differentiator.

The Trap of Reactive Narcissism

Kets de Vries distinguishes between two types of leaders: constructive narcissists, who channel their self-belief into impact, and reactive narcissists, who weaponize their insecurity into control.

Reactive narcissists often experienced early environments of inconsistency, criticism, or overindulgence. Their sense of self never quite stabilized, so they overcompensate. And while they may appear confident, they’re often hypervigilant, easily threatened, and quick to defend their image at all costs.

These leaders can hijack entire systems. They create cultures of fear, blame, and emotional volatility. And because they surround themselves with enablers, no one stops the slide.

The Role of Coaching Isn’t to Erase the Narcissism

It’s to help leaders manage and mature it.

I’ve learned that the key isn’t confrontation—it’s curiosity. When we invite leaders to reflect on how their behavior affects others or how their decisions land across the organization, we’re not attacking their identity. We’re opening up a window for growth.

The truth is, high-functioning leaders are often fueled by the very traits that get them in trouble. The goal isn’t to flatten their confidence. It’s to ground it in emotional intelligence and self-awareness.

Final Thought: Ego with Integrity

We need more leaders who are bold enough to lead—and self-aware enough to evolve. That means embracing the ego that drives ambition and cultivating the humility that allows recalibration.

Narcissism, when it’s constructive, is a force for good. It powers vision. It holds the room. It protects big ideas from being flattened by consensus.

But untethered narcissism? That’s when the leader becomes the risk.

The real work of leadership is knowing when your greatest asset becomes your liability—and having the courage to self-correct.